In a fit of commercial adventuring, I ordered a box of business cards from the local Office Max. (I know, should have gone to a print shop, but there aren’t any around any more.) Simple enough: name in the middle, what I do above, and contact information below. Aligned top ad bottom, flush left and flush right. Clerk took my order, said the cards would be ready in 7 to 10 days, someone would call.

That was two weeks ago. No one had called, so I stopped in the store this afternoon and asked about my cards. Clerk — a different one — looked around without much success; I spotted what looked like a card with my name on it near the end of one counter. It was. Clerk brought it over to me.

They were bad. Alignment off, top and bottom and both sides — though they did spell my name right and include the correct phone number and e-mail address. I pointed out the glitches to the clerk; he agreed they were bad.

I asked how come, with these sitting on the counter for several days, no one had called me. He pointed to one of the cards — which he was measuring so he could report exactly how much the lines were off — and said, “I think this is why.”

He’s putting in a new order, and promised to e-mail a copy before it goes out. So now I have a box of accurate but ugly business cards. Anyone want a thousand cards? All you need do is cross out whatever isn’t you. Like the name, phone, e-mail, work description. Maybe you could just cross out everything and write on the back. I’ll sell them cheap.

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